Time has pasted.

The best thing I think I have ever done is almost, literally forgot about the past trauma and past bullshit. I just don’t let my mind go back there, its taken me about 7 years to train my brain not to relive the demons. Sometimes I get into a dark place, and my mind doesn’t know who to blame and it tries to go back there. It’s a fight to push my self to stay away from the past, because it doesn’t help me, it has only ever held me back and made things worse. I used to blame every bad mistake, every bad decision on the year behind me because it seemed easier to deal with pity then what was right in front of me. Through my battle with addiction, through my on-going battle with mental health the past has always played games with me. I’ve just decided to stop putting blame on things that happened years ago, its merely an excuse.

I’ve changed so much for the better because I’ve moved on and considered my past a learning curve, a lesson and what has shaped me today. NOT an anchor that is tied to my foot and drowns me. WE can only be healthy today, by putting the past away and remembering the good times, good people and lessons learned.

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All on you

There is no change, unless you choose. Sink or swim, either way its you that will win or lose.  When it comes down to it, i am a strong believer in the ability to change, get better and move on BUT it all starts with you!

I have made tremendous changes in my life. I have battened the hatches and suffered through many long therapy talks that once wouldn’t have not happen, because i would have never stepped foot in that office. I decided that i control my own future and i want to feel better, i had to make choice to get better. I had to take medication at the start and gave up about a million times, but i did it, I’ve even been medication free for about 2 years. Don’t get me wrong though, there are many many days i still struggle, and need to stay in bed, or make up for my impulsive decisions, and explain to loved ones that i don’t really want to push them away.

It’s always going to be a work in progress, there would be no progress if i didn’t decide that my happiness and my life was worth the work. I didn’t do all this work for nothing, and i believe everyday ends and everyday gets betters. Keep keeping on, and don’t be afraid to ask for support when needed or sleep all day if you need to be refreshed.