ALOT ALOT has happened to me in this past year or should i say for me I’ve finished school, got the job of my dreams, cleared alot of negativity out of my life and started living a TRUE healthier lifestyle.

I say true because I’ve stuck to it, eating cleaner and healthier then I ever have, losing weight week by week and feeling more energetic then ever. Which has been a part of my mental health battle for as long as I can remember. Learning to love myself no matter what size I am, and realizing skinnier doesn’t mean happier. Loving myself for who iam, being myself and living positively. I’ve climbed out of my comfort zone professionally, physically and socially. I am feeling more and more greatful everyday.

I’ve been battling my mental health forever now, it’s finally getting easier and less of it feels like work. Don’t get me wrong I have bad days, but I don’t make 1 bad moment make a bad day anymore. Believe me and believe in you, it gets better and easier the more you work at it, the more you look into yourself and start becoming mindful of your mental health “triggers and trauma”. Give yourself a chance, go on and do it. Even if it takes you a year take that year and work on you!!! You are the most important, you deserve it. The people that love you will support you.. the ones that leave well,they probably suck anyway. OR maybe they have some figuring out to do too. ♡♡♡

#mindfulness #bpd #selfcare #anxiety #change

Resiliant. ♡

I’ve gotten through things in the last year, that would have set me back and I probably wouldn’t have gotten through it. I’ve learned that survivors, mental health persevers and people that have gone through shit time and time again are resiliant. MY STRENGTH, my trauma has made me RESILIANT! I walk with a bullet proof vest, feel the pain, heal, grow and move on. Doesnt mean I dont feel it, and drown in my tears, because i do. I breathe, heal and live and let go. That’s the differance between me and them, the ones that haven’t been through all I have.. I know that it will be okay because I’ve been through worse and only get stronger. I’ll stand by you and remind you that you can get through it too. You too can be resiliant, you too can obtain a bullet proof vest and walk through the bullets. The end is near, the pain you feel.

Back again.

Long time coming…

Since I’ve been away I have graduated my law clerk course, got a sick ass job and got engaged.

Yes, we who are drowned by our anxiety and our thoughts can rise above and have everything we want.

Hense why I havnt written a thing down in awhile. Between the thoughts there were no lines,no space nor time.

BUT I AM BACK! look forward to some real emotional hard hitting metephorical mixed up posts.


I hope you start to heal, I can see it on your face the pain you feel. You are not alone in this mess, just another one of those tests. It takes courage and it takes strength to face. It’s time to stop beating yourself up, starting building yourself up. Living in the past is effecting your future. If this weight your holding is to much to carry, as for a hand I know it’s scary. You will find a peace of mind, a relief, a rest someone else can also take on this test. Don’t be ashamed, we are all the same. Everyone has demons in their brains.

Tears are medicine, don’t be afraid to let them fall. You should know those tools, you have them all. You will find what gets your heart beating again, because you are worth it, you are beautiful and you deserve it. Things happen for a reason, even those bad things, they make you stronger. As you walk your journey you will realize you are right where you are ment to be, you just have to open your heart and you will see. “The strength was always inside of me”.


Some people don’t realize that just because we arnt in a whole in the ground and dont “look like” we have an illness doesn’t mean it’s all gone away.

We try, we try very hard everyday to shake, the demons and most of the anxiety away. We still have our bad times, and some times even worse then that. We just get up and give ourselves a pat.. we don’t let ourselves constantly become victims again we become victors again…

I beleive in you as I beleive in me, you can rise again and stop sinking in the sea. Reach up, and out and inside yourselves beleive that there is better for yourselve. Everyone has there days when they feel in a haze, don’t let it get the best of the best you.

Don’t stop beleive. You’ve got a reason to live again.

Remember we may have once been victims but now we are victors!

Time has pasted.

The best thing I think I have ever done is almost, literally forgot about the past trauma and past bullshit. I just don’t let my mind go back there, its taken me about 7 years to train my brain not to relive the demons. Sometimes I get into a dark place, and my mind doesn’t know who to blame and it tries to go back there. It’s a fight to push my self to stay away from the past, because it doesn’t help me, it has only ever held me back and made things worse. I used to blame every bad mistake, every bad decision on the year behind me because it seemed easier to deal with pity then what was right in front of me. Through my battle with addiction, through my on-going battle with mental health the past has always played games with me. I’ve just decided to stop putting blame on things that happened years ago, its merely an excuse.

I’ve changed so much for the better because I’ve moved on and considered my past a learning curve, a lesson and what has shaped me today. NOT an anchor that is tied to my foot and drowns me. WE can only be healthy today, by putting the past away and remembering the good times, good people and lessons learned.

All on you

There is no change, unless you choose. Sink or swim, either way its you that will win or lose.  When it comes down to it, i am a strong believer in the ability to change, get better and move on BUT it all starts with you!

I have made tremendous changes in my life. I have battened the hatches and suffered through many long therapy talks that once wouldn’t have not happen, because i would have never stepped foot in that office. I decided that i control my own future and i want to feel better, i had to make choice to get better. I had to take medication at the start and gave up about a million times, but i did it, I’ve even been medication free for about 2 years. Don’t get me wrong though, there are many many days i still struggle, and need to stay in bed, or make up for my impulsive decisions, and explain to loved ones that i don’t really want to push them away.

It’s always going to be a work in progress, there would be no progress if i didn’t decide that my happiness and my life was worth the work. I didn’t do all this work for nothing, and i believe everyday ends and everyday gets betters. Keep keeping on, and don’t be afraid to ask for support when needed or sleep all day if you need to be refreshed.


Essential life. 

My life with essential oils has grown very strong since I first posted about it. I am even a monthly product buyer to get extra points.  I’ve gone from 2 oils to 10 oils or so and I still have a list of them I want. 

They have truly changed my life from allergies to sleep to having more energy and getting rid of stress. 

I take a shot of lemon pepermint and lavender to clear my allergies. Serenity to sleep, which is amazing. I’ve used the peace and cheer rollerballs to deal with my moods. Grapefruit, lemon and smart and sassy in my drinks for food craving. 

LOVE LOVE ESSENTIAL OILS. Such a great choice to start using them. 
#essentialoils #oils #serenity 

What the heart wants 

In regards to my career this past months I really had to dig deep ad decide if I want to live lavishly, not minding whay I do or live comfortably and LOVE WHAT I DO. Its so important to be happy, stressfree and enjoy waking up and heading to work. There are so many miserable people out there that hate there jobs, there bosses, doesn’t challenge them enough or is just plain boring. YOU CREATE YOUR OWN HAPPINESS! 

Its save to say my heart is a muscle the size of my fist, and I’ll keep loving, keep laughing and carry on.. Loving what I do. 

#mentalhealth #depression #illness #life 

Pains and Gains. 

Havnt written in, way to long. Finishing my semester, killing it at placement and looking for a job has been keeping me busy and when not busy in bed dreaming  

Trying to get a 4.0, make connections and be the top dog in a highly competitive world is busy.. hard.. lonely.. motivating.. and when the world knocks you down man do you feel like taking a nap, calling it quits. 

I am sure every 23 year old or you know any age really feels like they are never going to get where they want to be, never going to have an extra dollar after paying the bill, oh and eating and having a phone so you know those company’s/bussiness’s out there can get a hold of you when you get the jobs 50 people applied for. 

Work through all the pressure, work through all the stress and always get stronger, better, smarter. You know I’ve noticed how much it revolves around the connections and the people you know. Go out there volunteer, get to know people. 

Goal is to Never have to introduce yourself!