You before I.  

Why is it always you before I.  

You get your plate first, you get to pick first,  you get to go first,  you can have a lazy day, you can choose, you can go out. 

And it’s always 

I will do that, I’ll clean that up, I’ll put that away, I’ll pick that up on my way, I’ll cook that, I’ll plan dinner, I’ll feed the pets, I’ll wash the laundry. 

Why do the good things always come after you! 

I need better I’s, more fun I’s, more me I’s. 

I need to start with me,  do me, choose me, give to me,  be me, and make myself happy! 

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Magic. 

With all the magic I’ve known, I’ve                    had to make it myself. 

You cant let the best of you, die with her. I said to him.  Sometimes the things that inspire me the most are helping someone else through pain, heartache or any kind of struggle. WhIle I help the people around me have strenght, I build myself up around them. I have proven to myself that I can and I will be determined to get through anything, the battles I’ve fought before have brought me here,  to this point of perseverance.  
I can and I will.  

Positive vibes

I can do this I can do this. Heading into second semester on my journey to becoming a paralegal first law clerk then the paralegal. I’ve never been so excited, or wanting something so bad. Even better it’s made me a better more positively motivated person in all aspects of life. 

Being excited for your future really changes you! 

With my mental health being how it has been up and down all my life I’ve never really looked toward much of a future, it’s been the best thing that has happened to me since. Even just starting to look at small things eventually you see a bigger picture. 

Zodiac

I am not one to believe in zodiac’s and horoscopes but when I read this,my mind traveled. 

My sign is cancer. One of my big borderline issues is my lack of understanding oneself and my identity.  I always question and ponder the fact that I mutate myself to my boyfriend. Sometimes it’s a bad thing, most times I hate it. No because I don’t want to be like him,  but I feel it’s just not who I want to be, it’s an awful cycle.

 I read the addiction for cancer zodiac possibly being addicted to another person and my jaw dropped. My other issue is that I constantly need my significant other to be happy and satisfied even if that means I am not. I give in way to easy, I change my plans, and maybe even my identity, one of the many mysteries of me. 

Time for granted. 

I’ve never lost someone dear to me, and it hurts. I think about her all the time,  I wear your jewelry and keychain as if you are walking beside me. I cant see you there, beside me but he can, the one that may or may not have chosen to take you away from this life.  I am not the biggest believer in God,  but I try especially being so angry that he took you away. Though sometimes I get a feeling that your there, with me, making sure I am still laughing, and I think deep down he is responsible for that. 

I am going to be strong, tell stories about you that will make everyone laugh, I am going to support those who are suffering more then me. We all need to come together and heal, Maybelle always enjoyed gatherings, and she would have wanted that.  

#time #mentalhealth #live 

Pounds. 

Before you try and lose another pound, look inside yourself and see what you are trying to gain. 

Eating has always been an enemy of mine,ever since I’ve been diagnosed with bulimia when I was 14 it has been a battle. I have always been an emotional eater, still do this day as I’ve conquered most of my bulimia demons, I still struggle.  

This summer I made myself a goal to make a healthy life style change, I hate the word diet, it never works. Getting into the habit of making healthier choices about food has been a journey. I’ve never been exposed to the kales, avacados or quinwas of the world. Although I still know what vegetables are and I do love some of them, learning about other recipes and other healthier choices has really opened my eyes. I do love to cook which has made it easier on me. 

When I first started this I decided to write down some reasons why I wanted to have a healthier lifestyle besides wanting to be thin, as I learned in therapy thin is not a necessity to happiness. These are the reasons I came up with. 

  • Confidence, doesn’t just come from being thinner. Eating bad food makes me feel bad.
  •  As I eat healthier I feel better on the inside, less bloating, less stomach aches, less headaches.  
  • I want to be able to get the proper nutritional components of many food items. 
  • Exercise, if I thin down I will be more confident to go back to gym, I will be more comfortable in my own skin. 
  • Lastly, clothing, there is so many wonderful items of clothing out there. Not many plus size outfits are what I would consider for my fashion wardrobe. 

YOU NEED TO DO THIS FOR YOU,  NOT MOTIVATED TO DO IT FOR OTHERS. WHAT GIVES YOU YOUR BEST SENSE OF SELF. 

#weightlose #belimia #confidence 

Being alone. 


Its not that I want to be alone. It’s that if I love someone and it fells apart, I might not make it. If you shape your life around  that person, and it does fall apart and you feel like dying. It’s the differance that scares me, between love and death, death ends. The hurting could last forever. 

Light

The wound is the place where the light  enters you. 

I have had many wounds, I still have some which are just covered by a thin layer of skin and some that are exposed to the world right now. 

My deepest most scared wounds are lit up by my father’s encouragement, support and fight. He fought for me at my worst. Whenever I have a really bad cut I think of how much he believes in me, gives me strength, and if I fail or need a hand up he is always there. Also in the most recent times my boyfriend is a tremendous support, he has gotten me through a lot as well. Another big thing is there are some people in my life right now, and people that have passed away that give me strength, there struggle is and was far worse then mine.  

My less deep, less daunting wounds have been lit, and keep being lit by my own encouragement; I’ve gotten through so much already and I can do this. There’s a thing damaged peoplease wear around its like a cloak, certain things just obsorb into you, you’ve been down that road, fought that battle. People fight differant fights differantly, to some people it’s not a fight at all.

 Keep the light shinning. 

#support #love