I don’t really understand it. We are trying our hardest and to others we are not trying at all. I try hard to wake up every day without having an anxiety attack. It’s hard to help others understand when we don’t understand ourselves. It’s very differant one moment to the next. People around me always think they have done something wrong when they haven’t. Figuring out our triggers are aparently a way to fix this issue, may be easy for some folks. We are busy fighting the battles in our head. Our minds are like dominos, something happens and one starts to fall, ending up knocking down many more. While we are trying to stop them from all falling down, we get lost in the fact our brain is know telling us we are not okay. If only we could concentrate on what set it off in the first place we would. Our coping skills slowly shut down,while we are still struggling to not let all the dominos fall down. There is so much noise around, it’s so terribly loud. This is not a short row of dominos we have been building it up for years. Sometimes we have the right traps set and the tumbling stops, sometimes quicker then other times. No matter what it’s hard work and it’s exhausting whether we are picking up one domino or all the dominos. Some scars are bigger then other ones, most times it seems like once we’ve developed a better strategy, they fall again. We constantly can never get ahead.
Sometimes and more often these days we have the power to stop the trigger before it happens or right away. Our way of handling it may be differant time and time again. Sometimes we are just trying to lessen the blow. More often then not we have finished setting up the dominos before it happens again.
We know we are hard to deal with and sometimes almost impossible..
You do make a differance, we appriciate your patience, tolerance and all the love you give us. We do our best to try and help you understand. Please don’t tier yourselves out we will be okay.
We thank you.
We are trying.
#bpd #mentalhealth #breathe #live