Every night hiding my every body part under my blankets at night no matter what the temperature. 

My mother was an Alcaholic, a sometimes mean sexual promiscuous alcaholic. Ever since I can remember writing to Santa to ask her to stop. I don’t have a sober memory of her.

She has lived 5 hours away since I was 12, the day I was admitted into the hospital for trying to commit suicide for the first time was the day my father damanded her brother pick her up. She would never move out on her own, she never wanted to leave. Which really gets me considering she had many open affairs with differant men all my childhood, why wouldn’t she hitch with them. Oh right, they were all married.

 There was only was one man she was involved with for a long time, they still talk I presume considering she knows everything about this town and she lives 5 hours away. He will be forever in the back of my head, I was home sick alot as a young kid, when my mom stayed home with me so would he. I don’t know if she even cared I seen them kiss all the time. Alcahol can be so nasty…. My father actually has to work with this man sometimes and even to this day I wonder how he does it, knowing everything he knows. 

I see this man all the time and I always wonder if his kids or his wife whom he is still with ever knew. Before I could barely bare the sight of him, wanting to attack like a wild animal. Until two years ago I seen him and watched him curl. I let the hate go and just thought to myself you’ll get what’s coming to you someday. 


10 thoughts on “Monster

  1. It could not have been easy seeing your mom in that state as a child. My mom was clinically depressed when I was a kid; she spent a lot of time in bed and was often non-functional. I felt more like her sister / caretaker a lot of the time than her daughter.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. My Mum is an alcaholic, and it can be really difficult sometimes, I spent most of my school life worrying about her and watching her go in and out of hospital.


      1. Don’t get me wrong, I HATE it,, and I wish it never happened – but, it has made me a better person, I’m more independent now. I used to get so angry, and I’d throw her alcohol away, obviously I think we all know that doesn’t help the situation.


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